Hundra
The story begins by introducing the basic narrative- simple enough. There is a tribe of lady barbarians that lives off by themselves. When they need to repopulate, they kidnap random men and use them. Much like tissues, they are disposed of when their use has vanished. Their strongest is a woman named Hundra who 'refuses to let a man pierce her- either with his sword or with his member.' A big virgin as an action hero- daring choice, movie. Now it is important that you understand all of this because, once Hundra leaves to go hunting...
*
...men show up and kill all of the women. That's right- after establishing every random lady and kid, they all die. Admittedly, the battle scene itself is better than most (especially when compared to Ator's 'village death scenes'). It goes on for roughly five minutes, a mix of slow-motion and regular speed. The title finally appears on screen by the way. This flows right into Hundra's return and...another long battle scene. Her scene is also a combination of a chase scene. Hundra rides until she gets to a big rock formation and kills the men. What now?
*
Our heroine goes to a distant cave and sees the lone elder of her tribe, who had gone off to meditate for years. Hundra is told that she must repopulate the ranks and break her vow of chastity. What is she- 'Octo-mom?!?' She reluctantly obeys and rides off towards mankind. Her first stop is at a small hut where she meets a warrior man. Their attempt at romance becomes...*
...a slapstick comedy scene of pratfalls and goofy looks. What?!? She flips him and beats him up for a while before deciding that he is not worthy. So now beggars can be choosers? I guess when they have a sword, they can. Hundra goes to a large fiefdom town, but runs across an aggressive suitor and his arranged bride-to-be. After she stands up to him for his actions, the guards show up and...
*
...*sigh* another slapstick action scene breaks out. It's like Buster Keaton, only random and stupid. After at least three or four moments of people being pushed off of ladders or having tents collapse on them, Hundra escapes to a shelter. The parents of the young woman take her in for her actions, but do not put up a fight when the guy comes back. This society, it seems, it is centered on a religion that has woman trained by monks to be 'perfect wives.' Basically, it's The Wicker Man meets The Stepford Wives. After hearing about all of this...*
Hundra decides to join them and tries to follow suit. What? What? Huh?!? The rest of the film is about how she was raised to be an individual...that followed the set rules of her tribe and how she cannot be their kind of woman, at least not without some work. At this point, my mind shut down and decided that I had better things to do. Watching paint dry was fun.*
I would apologize for not finishing the movie, but can you blame me? That movie had no idea what the hell it wanted to be. Comedy? Action? Good? I just could not make heads or tails of this movie. Was it a parody of barbarian movies? If so, the joke should be much easier to get. It's not like Saturday the 14th or even April Fool's Day (how could that have fooled anyone- read the title!). I really wish that I could figure this movie out, but I suspect that we will have gay robots getting married in Georgia before anyone does. Until then, enjoy the beginning, I guess. Everything else...well, it's not me, it's you. There- I said it.
*
How do I celebrate my 200th post? With a movie that I unintentionally stole my name from. Maybe on my 300th, I will do the Ramones album. Stay tuned...
Editors Note: I did not do the album...yet.
Hundra joins the women to train them how to fight in exchange for them teaching her how to be a woman once she finds a guy that interests her. The ending returns to the gore drenched opening sequence. The makers ran out of time for the intended big blow out battle, so the fight where Hundra encounters the men that slaughtered her village is mostly presented in slow motion. The other women also get in on the action as well as Hundra's cowardly dog, Beast.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this movie a lot and bought the 2 disc set once it hit DVD. This was a title I was waiting on for years and the special features are plentiful. Great movie and a totally awesome score by Morricone which he seemed to recycle for the similar RED SONJA, which Lauren Landon was initially up for because of her role as Hundra.
Maybe I should actually give this one another chance then. It was just too confusing for me at the time.
ReplyDelete